Onward to Empathy
Where do we go now? As coronavirus cases surge in Georgia, the state I live in, some of us are concerned that attention is fading from the Black Lives Matter movement. A group from the yoga community gathered on Zoom last week, hosted by Balance Yoga. One of the main themes to emerge was- now what? There was no advice-giving or preaching, merely listening to each other, our concerns, our fears, our desires to keep the momentum going. To not go back to sleep. Asian, mixed, white and black folks showed up to be with each other. Something as layered and deeply rooted as systemic racism is not going away soon. We are deep in the middle of the upheaval with plenty of work to do.
This is the time to practice being in the uncomfortable spaces & have the hard conversations. I recently posted a video on social media from Dr. Robin DiAngelo on white privilege. A white acquaintance was extremely triggered and private messaged-me on the reasons why he does not consider himself privileged. He considers himself “a good person.” In that moment, I listened to him- I heard behind the anger that he is afraid. Anger is often a cover for some other emotion. He has worked hard and doesn’t want his gains taken away. Those fears prevents him from considering the extra burden that being a BIPOC in the USA carries.
We found common ground- I have an autistic son, he has guardianship of an autistic relative. I told him the story of when my then 17-year old son went missing on his birthday morning. After a foot search, I got in my car, drove to the next neighborhood and found him sitting in the back of a police cruiser. A fire truck was also there at the end of a cul-de-sac. A neighbor had called the police after seeing “a suspicious male” near their home. My son is 180 pounds and six feet tall. He was only wearing his pajama bottoms. My first thought, after thank God he is safe, was thankfully he is not black. His skin color gave him a level of protection that our darker skinned friends just do not have. That is a privilege. My acquaintance listened to my story. He became calmer. I felt compassion for him, we expressed respect for each other.
One thing white people can do is to stand up for our black friends and gently listen and have empathy when our white friends express fear. We also have got to call our white friends out and be willing to have the uncomfortable conversations. This will take discernment- you want to protect your own energy and not get into a fight with someone who is blind to compassion or unwilling to see. So, number one tip for white people calling out other white people on race matters is- listening with empathy.
Empathy paves the way for deep listening. Deep listening leads to really hearing the other person and understanding, without condoning, their unique perspective. Remember when people could have conversations without attacking each other? When you could hear someone else’s point of view?
One more tip to help fellow white people see another perspective is to flip the script. Replace a white person with the scenario happening to a black person- or vice versa. How would you treat an unknown white young man walking around in your yard as opposed to an unknown black young man?
We’ve got to be able to listen with empathy, in order to move forward. Even in the midst of a pandemic. We can rest, take care of ourselves, but not give up.
